surfacing

life is rough and demanding but getting easier. it's onlycuz i'm such a slacker that i feel this way.i keep going to these race analogies... before (and still) i wasfeeling like there are hurdles, and i keep not jumping/running into them. it mademe question my maternal abilities. aggghhh. really, as long as he'shealthy it's all good. sometimes i wish i had a doula or someone whoknows babies around. i get scared of doing something wrong, ya know?though i could also see myself not liking the interference, too. i'mso hard to please :b it's been a month with not so much adult interaction and i find myself feeling lonely and missing work. i didn't see that one coming. ;)
the other analogy is a marathon. though i'm not sure where the end is.. is it 8 weeks? 12? 16? 24? one year? 18 years? it's thetiredness talking, i think. one day at a time, ooj.
also, my breasts are disproportionately.... just call me the-short-chick-with-the-ta-tas. eeps.

i've been trying for days to compose this, but i all i have is a cliched "where do i begin?" he's amazing, he's mysterious, he's a troublemaker, he's a cutie... life has been a series of feed, change diaper, sleep, (lather, rinse, repeat..) and i hope we're doing okay. makes ya think, why did they let us leave the hospital?? i'm so clueless!! i knew it would be hard but then again, i had no idea. it's love that keeps me going.