LOL

may your Christmas be filled with rage

-sean got lotsa loot yesterday. it's cool to be a kid. but he doesn't care yet. in fact, he cried. lots. all the grandparents were there, wanting to love on him and hold him, and he Wailed. i'm in the kitchen, cooking/plating/cleaning, and all i hear is unconsolable anger from the little one. he calmed down (sorta) when rob or I held him. so perhaps he recognizes his parents. aww. though does it mean we're raising a mama's boy/daddy's boy?
-oh! omgomgomgomg!!!! last night he went 8 hours between feedings!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am in Shock!! maybe it was all the holiday commotion that tired him out?
-in korea, it's a big deal to turn 100 days old. by golly, we made it! jumping jehosophat yee haw!!!

busy/crazy/rough few days. glad it's behind us!!

friday - went to dentist and the floss naziripped me up. i'm not scared of the dentists as much as i am of thishygeinist. she's scary!! she must have told me 10 times that i needto floss. diagnosis - i dun wanna talk about it. yes, i need tofloss!
friday night into saturday morning - our furnace stopped working. why does it have to happen in the middle of the night, when the tempoutside is in the 30s? i'm sure rob can expound on this. no heat +cold weather + kid factor + middle of night factor = unhappiness.also, heating companies should not advertise 24 hour service if thecustomer calls at.. say 3am and they show up at say...9am. stressfulnight. anyhoo, it seems the heating is stronger upstairs which ilike. yay. me gusta mucho.
saturday afternoon - we didn't think we'd make it but we went to rob'scompany party. despite our sleep deprivation, it was nice. sean got a cute toy from santa. all the kiddos get nice toys - toys that makeadults jealous. sean was fussy but there were lots of kids and theroom drowned him out. ;)back at home - rob gets much needed nap, i pump and feed sean. when idelay pumping, my body punishes me... perhaps the pumping ladies knowwhat i'm talking about. i make food for the next christmas party.sean doesn't eat much and i be exasperated.
saturday evening - small group christmas party. it was adult only,but they made an exception for us. which was very nice but sean waskinda fussy again, and this time there was no hiding. felt bad aboutthat. by then it all caught up to me and i felt overwhelmed and istarted feeling sorry for myself. then i felt even more patheticbecause i was supposed to be happy and festive and the like. it's aparty after all. and i said i'd bring two dishes but we ran out oftime and i brought something totally different. so felt bad aboutthat. then i realized i suck at math and we'd have to check out earlyto feed sean. we were off schedule as it is. i found myself shuttingdown. it's like, i want to be strong/be a trooper for my family butsometimes i feel like the weakest link. also, i really needed to washmy hair. general ickiness from that.
lessons? pace yourself. write stuff down and plan accordingly. never underestimate the power of shampoo.;) buy me floss for festivus. and floss! (x10)

pull my finger

-anyone reading probably has the ability to grab my finger. so...okay. but when the little guy does it, it's pretty cool. it's a new amazing skill for him; something to put on his resume.
-jon and kate plus 8 - twins and sextuplets??? i dunno how they do it. i'm running around like a crazy chick with just one.
-sleeping thru the night --- well, the standard definition seems to be 5 hours of sleep. it's happened a few times. not consistently. sean can go 4.5-5 hours between feedings at night, but that's maybe 3.8-4.4 hours of sleep, which really translates to less sleep for dad or mom. my friends have had their babies (congrats gina and kyu and melissa and wirak! hi kaleb! hi sebastian! welcome to the world!!) and they are in the insane beginning.. i have no idea how we survived that. i know i have a renewed prayer life. ;)
-so listening to Christmas music, i think about mary giving birth in a barn and it icks me out. also, did baby Jesus smile at the little drummer boy really? maybe it was a grimace. :P

2 types

-there are parents who fit kids into their lives, and parents whose lives revolve around the kids. soooo which one am i? heh, i dunno. we'll see. it's kinda hard to leave the house, or maybe just easier to stay in. we're on a feeding schedule of every 3 hours. and i'm doing the pumping thing, so that takes time too. R makes me go places, which is a good thing. this weekend, we went to friends' homes...jen and tyler's dumpling night, and nick and mary's housewarming. it was really faboo to see y'all and to get out of the house. but i doubt i would have gone if i were on my own. so thanks for pushing me. i'm antisocial but i can't always be that way, right?
-not getting the deep sleep because my dreams are bizarre! i'm dreaming about stuff from the past, at different points of my life - like college, the census bureau years, the new carrollton innocent kid years... random things that i haven't thought about in the longest time. as if my life is flashing before my eyes, but in my sleep.
-9 weeks old. whoa!

randoms

-medela breastmilk bags - ugh!! not once, but twice, the bags fell. when you see a puddle of 'liquid gold' on the floor, yes, you CRY.
-sean.. i think... is relatively good. he's good around people. just bad around mom and dad. but when he fusses, OMG is he FUSSY. his feeding is a little sketchy (or it's just me worrying again?) but he looks bigger, definitely.
-i'm sure there's more...oh, his hair is falling out in random clumps. he's sleeping longer at night (*happydance x2394824*) i don't think it's even worth saying "i'm tired" anymore because tired is the new awake.
-the swelling is gone, yay! i was feeling downright skinny, and technically i weigh less than i did a year ago. but the pants from a year ago don't fit. :\ so i guess my proportions are funkily out of whack. these days i look nice and disheveled... pj pants and sweats galore.
-the kid is cute!!! :b

surfacing

life is rough and demanding but getting easier. it's onlycuz i'm such a slacker that i feel this way.i keep going to these race analogies... before (and still) i wasfeeling like there are hurdles, and i keep not jumping/running into them. it mademe question my maternal abilities. aggghhh. really, as long as he'shealthy it's all good. sometimes i wish i had a doula or someone whoknows babies around. i get scared of doing something wrong, ya know?though i could also see myself not liking the interference, too. i'mso hard to please :b it's been a month with not so much adult interaction and i find myself feeling lonely and missing work. i didn't see that one coming. ;)
the other analogy is a marathon. though i'm not sure where the end is.. is it 8 weeks? 12? 16? 24? one year? 18 years? it's thetiredness talking, i think. one day at a time, ooj.
also, my breasts are disproportionately.... just call me the-short-chick-with-the-ta-tas. eeps.

i've been trying for days to compose this, but i all i have is a cliched "where do i begin?" he's amazing, he's mysterious, he's a troublemaker, he's a cutie... life has been a series of feed, change diaper, sleep, (lather, rinse, repeat..) and i hope we're doing okay. makes ya think, why did they let us leave the hospital?? i'm so clueless!! i knew it would be hard but then again, i had no idea. it's love that keeps me going.

blog comes to screeching halt???

i don't wanna bore you with poo, pee, and feeding stories. that's all i got. heh. life's so different. i'm in overdrive worry mode. can't help it!! aggggh...

fatherhood fits rob really well. i get weepy thinking about it. love you, hon.

hi at 2 weeks

just trying to find a routine, but is there a routine? also trying to get Sean to gain weight. these doctor visits and percentile stats get me really stressed out. especially since we're under the curve. pics on flickr